RIP My Youth

Me and Dad hanging out at Mt. Buffalo

As the title of this suggests, today is the last day of me being a teenager. This is something I've been dreading since my birthday last year. It's not that I'm afraid of growing up, it's more about the complications of growing up; death, illness. This is so morbid, sorry.

As mentioned previously, I have a lot of existential crisis. These are mostly to do with the fact that I will never experience certain events in my life again, the regret that I didn't journal and document my youth more and the intense fear that I may never make it to all of the places I wish to visit in the world.

This week all I've been dreaming about is going to Paris, which has been a dream of mine since I was about five. I feel very connected to Paris/France in general, the culture and the lifestyle. I like to believe in past lives so I feel that is why I have a connection to that particular country. Juxtaposed to this, two nights ago I awoke at 4am with a splitting headache. I had never experienced anything so painful, and thankfully it subsided and all was okay, but I couldn't help worrying that something was deathly wrong with me. Then I just felt sad about all of the plans I have for my life in the next five to ten years that I wouldn't be able to complete if I got sick.

Similarly, every time I read about a young person who has cancer or something else life-impacting, I take a good hard think at my life and think how important my health and fitness is to me. Then a few weeks later after a really late night at work, I'll be in the car eating McDonalds and feeling so guilty about it all.

And this is all why I'm scared as hell to lose my youth tomorrow. It's been such a huge part of my identity and living memory that I feel like I'm defined by it. Without it, who/what am I?

I thought I'd share a few embarrassing/momentous photographs of my teenage years with you all today. I'm sorry to all of the friends who join me in these beautiful time capsules of awkwardness. But hey, I had to do something with all of the photos you've been sending me over the past few months! I am also sorry to you, the readers, for having to look at potato quality images but everything was captured on either a crappy mobile phone camera (think 1.3 megapixels *shudders*) or a crappy digital still camera.

And now I'm going to spend my last day lying in bed snoozing because last night I helped feed 750 people and I have to feed 1200 tonight and another 1300 tomorrow. Peace.

Caitlin and I at our grade 6 graduation (I was kind of obsessed with skulls in 2006). Below is what we look like now, for comparison.

In 2006 we had really bad bushfires and I just remember the end of that year being plagued with smoke. Also these are my dogs, Benji who lives with my parents and Lizzie who recently died. Many fun times were had bouncing on that trampoline and in the treehouse behind it.

Year 7 Camp on The Edge at Eureka Skydeck in Melbourne.

Molly and I playing with my Grandma's hat collection.

(Sorry for the horrible quality!!) The photo on the left has great significance to me. My group of friends (from left to right: Caitlyn, Molly, Demi and myself) were hiding under a tree to take a group selfie because at our school we weren't allowed to use our phones during recess or lunch times. This teacher we absolutely hated came up to us just after we took the photo and confiscated my phone and walked away. A minute later she returned and asked us whether we were filming someone bullying someone. We all looked at each other, giggling on the inside, and shook our heads. She gave the phone back to me and said, 'Good. Filming bullying is bad. Now put your phone away.' We couldn't believe that we had gotten off the hook.

The image on the right is a creek near where my Dad grew up. He used to fish and swim in it as a child so when we moved back to Wangaratta after living in Western Australia for about eight years, he took us to this creek every summer and we swam in it with our dogs. There was also a log you could jump off. So many fond memories.

This video is very significant to me now. We're singing 'Happy Birthday' to my Nanna as she had just turned 90! Sadly, five months later she died. Video is amazing because my Nanna looks so alive compared to the photographs I have of her. Also I giggle every time I hear my brother's high pitched voice.

Year 8 Camp disco. We were high on sugar and I did everyone's make up...horrible. Also I'm wearing an Elmo top and a pinafore, oh 2008.

Myself, my bother and my twin cousins hanging out in the bush. This is what we looked like two years ago when I was in my final year of high school, my brother was in year 9 and my cousins were just starting year 7.

The things we did for awesome Myspace photos. I still really dig this photo though.



My 14th birthday weekend that I spent with my bestie, Demi! We started off the Friday by attending my primary school's twilight sports, followed by my street's early Christmas party and then movies and a sleepover for my actual birthday. Demi was also the first person to teach me how to rollerblade!



The party hat monster!



We thought we were so cool with our Kanye sunnies.



I don't know why I decided to draw a face on my feet and then take a photo of it. Summer 2009 was fun!



Look at that watermark!! The start of 2009 was the first year I started to get into photography!



We had many sleepovers where we slept in a tent in my backyard. Although, I think on this particular night we slept in my bedroom because we watched a horror movie and got scared!



I spent the majority of my spare time jumping on the trampoline, listening to music and taking selfies. I was also obsessed with Hello Kitty <3



Year 9 bush walk near Falls Creek. I will never forget the amazing alpine colours!



This is my favourite photo. It's not because it's particularly a good photo but my actual memory of the moment I snapped this is probably the most serene memory I have.



2009 musical with Molly, Bridie and Darcie!



I started blogging in 2009 so my friends and I would go on photo adventures.



Fake glasses, need I say more?



Year 9 Camp. We did lots of bush walking, abseiling, rock climbing and kayaking. I was pretty much in my element!



This was my last day of school before I moved to Geelong. This is the beautiful Molly!



And this is probably the only good photo of me from my youth! Demi is gorgeous! Also sorry for the Picnik editing.



My last ever dance concert with Darcie!



For my 15th birthday I had a massive water fight and pizza afterwards, of course!



My first polaroid camera! I've actually only used it once because the film is SO expensive! Thank you to Darcy for gifting me this!!



Dancing with everyone at Tamara's 16th. I'm actually about to photograph her 21st in two week's time! Scary!



Myself, Caitlyn, Darcie and Cassy. This was about 10 months after I had moved to Geelong. My mum had just gotten a job in Geelong and so my parents and bother were about to move down, meaning I wouldn't be able to visit everyone as much. We celebrated by having a massive junk food fest in the park.